I am fine. How are you. Thanks.
Saturday, May. 10, 2003 - 9:51 a.m.
I am so close. How can I be so far away?
I am falling so fast.
To hit bottom would be so nice.
There is so much weakness in my strength.
I want to shed tears. Though I have not, I seem to have none to shed.
My depression comes suddenly...
It seems to consume my body and take control of my very thoughts.
I know some care. Why do I not feel it?
I feel ungrateful, and who is it that feels that way?
It cannot be me.
I try to recall dreams and they seem so empty.
As I look up, I see the light slowly shrinking as I am ever surrounded by more darkness.
With nothing I can name on my shoulders, the weight is oppressive, and seems more than I can bear.
I am ashamed to feel this way.
Yet I write it here for any to see.
If I cry out...what is it I cry for?
Is there a direction to go besides down?
Where are the brakes?
Who can I talk to?
Where can I turn?
What is wrong with me?
If you tell me, will I listen?
Did I cause this?
It has to be temporary. That is what I believe.
It is hard to convince me of that.
I am sorry.
I want to talk to someone.
Good for anyone who never feels this.
Good for anyone who never admits this feeling...
or is it lack of feeling?
I want someone to throw me a flotation device before I drown.
I feel shame that I do not swim on my own.
Maybe I already am.
Ok, maybe that is a dream.
To dream of taking care of myself.
Thanks for reminding me to dream, Eric.
I am trying...
Thanks for telling me to hang in there, Sandy.
I am trying...
I feel as if I am failing at it.
When I call there is no answer.
When I listen there is no sound.
I am so small.
I go now.
So much of me is missing.
Will it ever return.
I don't want pity...
I just want light.
previous - next
Indy - Friday, Dec. 11, 2009
ain't that a bitch - Tuesday, Apr. 07, 2009
Did I say Lapse of time? - Saturday, Feb. 21, 2009
Looks like Saskatchewan to me - Tuesday, Nov. 18, 2008
- - Monday, Nov. 17, 2008