I cannot believe I just slept until almost nine pm. I cannot seem to get enough sleep lately. Then I wake up and rush to get things done.

I don't even like to sleep anymore. I want to though.

I have had a lot of nice notes. It bothers me when I do not respond to them personally. I would not want someone to think that I did not care about what they had written.

The things that have been written to me lately are like a cool drink of water when I am very thirsty.

They are like seeing a distant shore after being on a raft for days surrounded by water, and wondering if I will run out of life or food first.

Except that is probably a little too dramatic there. Ha ha, I mean well let me explain, I think it would be exciting to be stranded on a raft and just surviving learning how to feed myself, and distilling water and such.

And then sighting land, and heading toward it. Now that would be better than waiting to open Christmas presents that I had seen for a few weeks all wrapped in paper.

Your notes are important to me, and now maybe a little more than usual. I am trying to say thanks in here right now. It feels like I am not doing my part.

That is how I am. I don't mind being that way.

I hope I always feel that way about people. After this long, I would imagine I will continue feeling this way.

I refuse to work tomorrow night. Unless people with guns come and make me go. That has not happened in a long time. <---inside joke, sorry.

Writing all of this has been for my mind like warming up a car on a cold morning.

Does that make sense to anyone besides me?

I had a dream years ago. I had a puppy that died. My dad stopped by a roadside stand and behind the stand there was a big box. I could not see in it though I could hear puppies in there.

That was not a dream, that really happened.

In the dream, the puppies in the box were in heaven. Hey I did not know whether heaven was in a box or not. In my dream, I wondered if my Mom was in a box like that somewhere. I am thinking I did not believe when they told me I would not see her again.

I spent a lot of years wondering where heaven was and if I could visit there.

I have to go now, and I am sorry about that. I am sorry because I have some things I want to write, and after what I am going to deal with tonight, It will all probably slip quietly back into some recess in my mind.

That is ok, I have so much tucked away there that some of it spills out with every thought anyway.

Sorry for being generic like this. Thank you Thank you Thank you.