Someone Became My Friend.
Wednesday, Dec. 18, 2002 - 4:06 p.m.
Someone became my friend.
I used to fish in many waters to be able to speak those words. I did it with words and deeds that were true.
I took the approach that if I were to be a friend to others, that same friendship would return to me. At times my expectations were rewarded. At times they were unrealistic.
Some say if you have no expectations, you will never be disappointed. While this is no doubt true, and a valid choice for one to make from their own norms and standards, it is not a choice I would make.
At one point during my period of homelessness, I tried on having no expectations, and it did not fit me well.
As I sang along with the infamous eminem and heard myself saying if I had just one wish, I wish I had an a$$ big enough that the whole world could kiss, I knew it was a lie. My mother had showed me that my problem was not the world's problem, but mine.
My friends had not failed me, but rather my unrealistic expectations had failed me.
I had expected them to respond in ways I would respond. To my surprise, they went on being themselves rather than being who I had painted them to be in my mind.
I still fish for friends, but not in secret as before. I do it openly, though in select waters.
I do it not for want of material things. But rest assured there is something I want. I want to be accepted for who I am, and I want to be appreciated. Two gifts which are very hard to give, yet have absolutely no monetary value. And yet, to me at least these two things are priceless.
Someone where I work has given me my deepest desires.
According to my personal code of honor, it is my privilege to reciprocate as long as I have breath in my body.
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