I bought a truck today. I felt I needed another vehicle. It scared me because I used money that was there for last ditch survival. I just don't ever want to count myself among the homeless again. I have been saving money like I never have before in my entire life.

I never used to give money much thought. I always had plenty, and if I needed more I just went out and made more. Of course, that was when I took risks. It seems to me that usally the larger the reward, the larger the risk required to achieve it. I think that may be true about more than just monetary reward.

I lived most of my life not just taking risks, but actually enjoying them. Risking rejection for the reward of love. Risking failure for the reward of success in business. Risking life for the reward of freedom. Sometimes taking risks just for the reward of the thrill of it.

Then I just stopped. Suddenly. No more risks when my everyday experience was one of pure survival. No time to think of possibilities when simply trying to get by.

I believe fear and worry are just two sides of the same coin. I also believe that the more I give in to either, the more power they have over my life.

For this reason, because I refuse to live in fear, I have started to take a few risks.

For the first time in my life, a lot of the thrill is gone from taking these risks. I take them still, because I want the rewards.

I have heard, courage is the ability to think when under pressure. I know that fear and worry remove the ability to think about relevant solutions. I am beginning to remember again to focus on solutions, rather than focusing on the problems.

I love the taste of freedom.

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"*HUGS*"