SO TELL ME AGAIN, WHY WE ARE FRIENDS
Tuesday, Jan. 28, 2003 - 8:45 a.m.
I don't spend much time thinking about what I don't like in people. Usually if I think of something like that it is as a result of something I encounter at a moment.
I don't have time to think about the bad that others may do, or speak. It is a full time job just to concern myself with keeping me in line. And some times, I take the day off on that job.
When I do find someone that I am reacting to negatively, there is one thing that I have noticed about me. The things that really pull my chain in others are the things that I detest most in myself.
Like intolerance, for example. I don't have much of that in me. I certainly have some. And it is one thing that I could do without in my life. So if I see it in you, maybe the reason I am intolerant of your particular crime is, that you remind me of something I don't like in myself.
I have little bits, and perhaps sometimes big bits of the things I think of as bad, or negative traits in me. So does everyone else.
There are clubs and cliques in the world that exist as mutual admiration societies. I don't want to be a part of any of them.
Most of them don't even have names. And there are only unspoken rules for the members to follow. It is easy to join them. They can be joined without even thinking about it.
There are few requirements to being a member in good standing. It's easy. Let me tell how it is done.
First find someone who displays some kind of trait, action, or whatever that could be considered a negative. For me, That is easy. Just find one that displays openly the things that I keep buried in me. Now all I have to do is start comparing my strengths with their weaknesses. I only need to see all the bad I can find in them.
Only a couple of more steps now to joining. The person who I have targeted now has no chance. Their weaknesses can't possibly stand up to my strengths.
Now all I need to do is find at least one other person who shares my dislike of my targets actions.
That is it, so simple. The only thing left to do now is to compare ourselves to that person. Their weakness....our strength.
Then we can pat ourselves on the back for not being like them and tell each other how great we are, and how good it is that we are not like them.
If we want more members now, we can spread the good news of anothers shorcomings. No problem gettin a group for that. Then we can draw our lines in the sand. We are over here. They are over there. Aren't they ugly? Aren't they bad bad people?
Just think we have formed this attraction to one another based on intolerance of the evil that lives in us all, or just the fact that they are different in some way from "us".
When it is just me and you, we can call ourselves friends. A few more, and we have a circle of friends. If we get enough, we can even wage wars and kill a lot of people.
And we can pat ourselves and each other on the back for how good we are, and how we have shunned "them".
As for me, I would prefer to base my friendships on something other than intolerance of anything.
I want the bonds I form to be the result of common things alright. I just need to be careful what it is that attracts me to you.
And when that happens, I have no desire to concern myself with the negatives of those outside our bond.
Whether someone intends to or not, I don't intend to let them steal my happiness. Whether I react to another, or whether I respond to another, is up to me, and me only. If I choose to react, I don't tear you down. I tear down me. If I choose to respond, then I am looking at me, and what I believe. I am in control of my life.
What really got me to thinking about this was the words, and email from my friend Ciara.
People seem to react quite strongly to her and her words. I may not agree with everything she does, or says. I know reading her diary, I don't see where she is much different than anyone else.
Maybe she just says things that remind people of what they dislike in themselves. I don't know. All I ever got from her was friendship, and love. And the friendship we have, though not a close one in some ways, is not based on others at all.
So don't give up your fight, Ciara. You have gained a lot of ground in the time I have known you. The world can be a bitch sometimes.
I don't really have time to concern myself with that.
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Indy - Friday, Dec. 11, 2009
ain't that a bitch - Tuesday, Apr. 07, 2009
Did I say Lapse of time? - Saturday, Feb. 21, 2009
Looks like Saskatchewan to me - Tuesday, Nov. 18, 2008
- - Monday, Nov. 17, 2008