I am fine. How are you. Thanks.
Saturday, May. 10, 2003 - 9:51 a.m.

I am so close. How can I be so far away?

I am falling so fast.

To hit bottom would be so nice.

There is so much weakness in my strength.

I want to shed tears. Though I have not, I seem to have none to shed.

My depression comes suddenly...

without warning.

It seems to consume my body and take control of my very thoughts.

I know some care. Why do I not feel it?

I feel ungrateful, and who is it that feels that way?

It cannot be me.

I try to recall dreams and they seem so empty.

As I look up, I see the light slowly shrinking as I am ever surrounded by more darkness.

With nothing I can name on my shoulders, the weight is oppressive, and seems more than I can bear.

I am ashamed to feel this way.

Yet I write it here for any to see.

If I cry out...what is it I cry for?

Is there a direction to go besides down?

Where are the brakes?

Who can I talk to?

Where can I turn?

What is wrong with me?

If you tell me, will I listen?

Did I cause this?

It has to be temporary. That is what I believe.

It is hard to convince me of that.

I am sorry.

I want to talk to someone.



Good for anyone who never feels this.

Good for anyone who never admits this feeling...

or is it lack of feeling?

I want someone to throw me a flotation device before I drown.

I feel shame that I do not swim on my own.

Maybe I already am.

Ok, maybe that is a dream.

To dream of taking care of myself.

Thanks for reminding me to dream, Eric.

I am trying...

Thanks for telling me to hang in there, Sandy.

I am trying...

I feel as if I am failing at it.

When I call there is no answer.

When I listen there is no sound.

I am so small.

I go now.

So much of me is missing.

Will it ever return.

I don't want pity...

I just want light.

previous - next

Indy - Friday, Dec. 11, 2009
ain't that a bitch - Tuesday, Apr. 07, 2009
Did I say Lapse of time? - Saturday, Feb. 21, 2009
Looks like Saskatchewan to me - Tuesday, Nov. 18, 2008
- - Monday, Nov. 17, 2008

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