I usually don't care for long entries. How about you?
Wednesday, Apr. 02, 2003 - 8:38 a.m.

Ok, Molly Bingham Johann and Philip All released from captivity in Iraq. Oh yeah, and Matthew McAllester. Not all the pow's are in the military. Very promising signs of the mindset of their captors.

I know there is a town in West Virginia where there is celebration over the rescue of a soldier, one Jessica L., a POW from her captivity, and she was captive in a hospital being treated for multiple gunshot wounds. Another promising sign about the treatment of military pow's.

Always refreshing to see civility in the midst of hostility. Yes, I cannot seem to help but try to focus on something good in the middle of something bad. That has served me well in the past, and it is not a habit I am trying to break, even though I know some find it irritating, and an indication of my detachment from the reality of some situations.

I have had occasion to hear how distasteful it is when I speak evil of someone in this, or my other diary. I have tried to correct this assumption, when I have been confronted by it.

Usually with no success. I suppose if a person makes up their mind, and locks out anything to the contrary, it is a waste of my time to try to shed light on this.

So just in case anyone reads anything I write, and assumes it was written about them, or just wonders about it, I would like to say this.

It is highly unlikely that I am writing about anyone reading either of my diaries. There are some exceptions to this, of course.

If anyone thinks I might be, just ask me directly. I won't be offended, and I will not lie about it either.

Even when I write the word you in one of these places, the chances are it is one facet of me talking to another. You know, like dcalien writing to dcalienz writing to Dave.

I am only one person, and do not really have different distinct personalities. However, within me is the me I wish I was, and the me I am, and the me others think I am etc. etc.

So contrary to what some believe, what I write is probably not about "you", whoever "you" are.

Now what I do write is probably about some aspect of my life, and therefore influenced, and indirectly about others at times.

Others are a part of my life, and if I were to not write about my life, who's life would I write about?

So if I write about some very high ideals, and anyone should notice that I do not live up to them, and suffers some kind of disappointment about it...

I doubt your disappointment would equal mine.

And if anyone should notice me writing about some dark terrible things about me, it does not mean I have no self esteem...

It is probably the best of me being hard on the worst of me, to wake up the part of me that seeks to become a better person.

Yeah, I have a best of me me. And I have a worst of me me. About the best I can do in regards to other people is to try to not let the worst of me interact with them.

I do fail at that sometimes. Is anyone surprised by that? I am not.

Sometimes I am petty, and angry, and say things better left unsaid. I am not saying that is ok, though I will say that I can live with that.

If someone out there has been able to overcome all that, I am happy for you. I have as yet not been able to totally overcome that in me, though I have made progress over my lifetime in that area.

So let me recap a couple of points important to me here.

1. I am probably not talking to or about "you" unless I am saying something nice.

2. If "you" notice me acting contrary to this, and it upsets you, just an idea now, I do not even know who "you" are, maybe you have issues with unrealistic expectations of me, and that would be something you could either change, or live with, "your" choice.

Yes there is an end to this entry...

If these words, or any words I ever have or will write apply to "you" I probably don't know it, though I might. If they do and you feel a need to correct me, best of luck to you. If you feel a need to correct you, best of luck to you.

If nothing I write applies to you, I probably did not know that either, and best of luck to you.

ps the best of luck to you thing...not sarcasm...

I am sure if "you" expect much of me, I will not live up to it. Especially if I am unaware of it.

I don't live up to the expectations I have of myself. Yet I continue to have expectations of me, because I can do something about me.

My life is, and will probably always be a series of highs and lows and in betweens.

At this moment, I would say I am in between down and up with my current path on a slightly upward tilt.

And how are "you"? I hope you are happy with where "you" are, and where "you" are headed.

No, truly, I am.

previous - next

Indy - Friday, Dec. 11, 2009
ain't that a bitch - Tuesday, Apr. 07, 2009
Did I say Lapse of time? - Saturday, Feb. 21, 2009
Looks like Saskatchewan to me - Tuesday, Nov. 18, 2008
- - Monday, Nov. 17, 2008

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