More than you want to know about me.
Tuesday, Feb. 18, 2003 - 9:50 a.m.

Mr. Blue called to wish me a happy anniversary. Actually I had to remind him that it was my anniversary.

One year ago today, I was in an accident in Kentucky. One year ago today, I began a stay in intensive care. So it has been twelve months today, that my life hung in the balance.

I must say that it is only dramatic in retrospect. I was told by the nurses there that I had died three times while I was there in intensive care.

I don't think I really believe that. I suppose it depends on one's definition of death. Call me crazy and take me back to the institution. It just seems to me that people who die, at least in my experience, and I have witnessed a few of them, just don't write in diaries a year later.

So having said all that, I suppose by some definition I was dead. I think it is strange that I remember two of the times they were talking about. I say strange because I sometimes have trouble remembering any of that time, and what I do remember, I am unsure of.

So hey maybe my imagination was working overtime, and I just think I remember. I know I saw a doctor sitting at the foot of my bed. I know that I slowly lost consciousness a couple of times, and I did not see a bright light as I have heard some say. Actually quite the opposite. I believe I remember it as everything taking on a shimmery appearance, and just slowly fading to dark.

So I did not see any angelic beings welcoming me home, and I am thankful that I saw none with horns and pitchforks. haha.

Now here is the part I do remember. I mean I am positive this happened. I did not slowly wake up. I have been awakened in ways I did not enjoy in my life at times. Like by gunfire, and by a train I had parked next to the tracks in the night to nap, and did not realize how close it was.

I don't believe I have ever been awakened so rudely as in that hospital though. It was sudden, and violent, if that makes sense, like to the bone kind of jarring that reverberates through the body in waves.

And I know I felt like my body was on fire from the inside out. I don't know any other way to describe it. And seeing the faces of people I did not know over me, and sticking me and I don't even know what all, that was disturbing. It really only lasted a little bit each time though. Well, at least I think it did.

That was the real problem after the pain was gone, and the glass was all removed from my feet. And that is so weird, I know I tried to get them to take the glass out several times, and the did not even do that for I think three days or something like that.

The things that were damaged all healed. Though my feet took the longest to not hurt. Very sensitive area of the body the top of the feet. It was not being able to remember things that really bothered me. It would have been different if I could not remember who I was or things in my past. Only it was the fresh things that I could not hold onto. And that was so frustrating.

Probably more frustrating than I even remember it to be. I could and still can tell you my phone number when I was nine years old. I just could not remember what I had for breakfast, or if I even ate one.

Well, that is all behind me now. I don't have any pain left from it, so I am lucky. And my memory works better all the time. I don't have to write nearly as many notes as I did for awhile.

Today on the one year anniversary of all that, I went to the hospital again. Just coincidence I suppose. And I got really good news about all the blood they sucked out of me.

I was checked for cancer, and I have none. Kidneys good to go, haha no pun intended. Liver functions normal and so on and so on. Not diabetic. Oh I forget what all it was I guess as thorough a blood work as can be done.

I only had two of the tests that came back, I started to say negative, only I guess positive would be more accurate. One was something to do with my joints, and the doctor wanted to know if I had joint pains, and actually I do not nothing out of the ordinary.

The other one, hmmm well the doctor asked me if I knew I had hepatitis C. So I told him sure I knew it since I was 18 years old. Only they did not call it C then. It is not contagious, and actually not even active. The tests of the liver show that. I do have to go for one more test though that has something to do with the C.

And I do have one other test to take. Tomorrow morning I am having a Cat scan. Just to check the condition of my brain. I had one already for the stroke thing. That was a good one. This one is to look at possible old injuries from a year ago and see if everything is ok.

Oh yes, and my blood pressure is 128 over 72. I had an ekg this morning, and my heart is just like it should be. And nine days now without a single cigarette, and my lungs are very clear, though in the process of cleaning themselves now that smoke doesn't have them paralyzed.

All righty then, here is all this top secret information privacy protected by law, that I have just laid out for anyone to see. I will spare you knowing what color my underwear are however.

And, did I just say all this out loud? Is it too late to take it back? There is always delete. I am not sure why I put all this in here. Maybe it is because every drop of it is good news, and I am excited about it and want to tell the world.

No that isn't it because I am not really excited at all right now. This is all good news however should anyone reading this not understand what I am saying here.

Aren't you glad you read all this? Don't you wish everyone would? Didn't I tell you there was more here than you wanted to know?

All this is noteworthy to me, and to tell the truth, I have been worried about the results of this living autopsy ok maybe not that bad. And I guess it doesn't matter how many times I learn it, I still do it again. I keep forgetting that usually the things I worry about never come to pass, and I have just been wasting my time and energy on nothing.

previous - next

Indy - Friday, Dec. 11, 2009
ain't that a bitch - Tuesday, Apr. 07, 2009
Did I say Lapse of time? - Saturday, Feb. 21, 2009
Looks like Saskatchewan to me - Tuesday, Nov. 18, 2008
- - Monday, Nov. 17, 2008

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