I feel so empty.
Tuesday, May. 13, 2003 - 8:28 a.m.
I often hate to read nothing but doom and gloom in diaries. I imagine others do as well. Many times I have heard it said that I am very positive. I like it when I am, and often I can find something positive in even the most negative of things.
I hate to disappoint anyone who reads here, and finds me very negative. If I wrote in here simply to satisfy others, then I would write nothing but good things I suppose.
I sometimes let the fact that others read affect what does and does not go in here. Most times I do not.
I have a lump in my throat and a broken heart. Nothing that would show up on an x-ray, or other medical test.
I just slept through the night, and right now my medications have just about worn off. I have little pain now, even though my face is quite swollen.
I wish the pain I was in was of the kind that healing of flesh would remove. I think I have lost a friend that means more to me than I probably even realize right now.
And I have lost her at the most fragile time I can remember having in a long time. I feel devestated as if I had no reason to even live. I am not suicidal, though I almost wish I were right now.
So call me weak. I think I will just sit and cry now, and wonder how I can go on from here.
previous - next
Indy - Friday, Dec. 11, 2009
ain't that a bitch - Tuesday, Apr. 07, 2009
Did I say Lapse of time? - Saturday, Feb. 21, 2009
Looks like Saskatchewan to me - Tuesday, Nov. 18, 2008
- - Monday, Nov. 17, 2008